Don't Get Your Panties in a Bunch!

There's a blogger who lives on Jeju. He's married to a Korean woman. He understands my pain.

Anyway, he has his panties all in a bunch because he fears the Koreans will end the EPIK program.

Here's this young man's address: www.lostonjeju.blogspot.com

He talks about the end of the EPIK program in a entry entitled Sign of the Times.

Lots of people have the feeling that Koreans want to expel us from the country. But I don't believe this to be true. I'll explain why in brief.

Now you motherfuckers know I'm not famous for my optimism. So don't try to accuse me of painting a sunny picture.

After all, I'm the guy who firmly believes we are entering another Great Depression.

I'm going to sound like Grandpa Jones. But I've been somewhat familiar with Korean public school system for over 13 years.

My first job was with a hakwon which would pimp us out to various public schools in one of the larger cities. The idea of this hakwon was to charge cheaper prices and make a profit through volume.

My former boss went under. His overhead was astronomical. On top of that, he had to grease too many palms in order to get the contracts.

Anyway, life in the public schools back then was much more grim. The majority of the Mongols were not happy to see us.

And I couldn't really blame them. Korean society is Confucian. Confucius was a teacher.

To the average Mongol, a school is almost like a church. They make their friends at school. They make their business connections at school. As children, they practically live at school.

We were--and still are, to some extent--barbarians at the gate. Having a white guy in a Korean school is like a Roman Catholic allowing Attila the Hun to participate in the Eucharist.

In those days, tensions were high. I once saw a NET call a Korean public school teacher a bitch at the top of his lungs. He was later fired when he wrote a note to that same teacher threatening to kill her.

No shit.

For as long as I can remember, I've heard this same old bullshit. Whitey isn't welcome in the schools. But we're still here.

My advice?

Let the shit roll off your back. Koreans are going to do what Koreans want to do. Don't lose any sleep over it.

My former boss used to threaten to fire us all every month. It stressed me out at the time. But then I learned to let it go in one ear and out the other.

I had a friend--back in the day--who went to see a dentist. The dental assistant spoke English.

She told him that dirty foreigners shouldn't be allowed to teach Korean children. She told him that Korea was just for Koreans. She told him he ought to leave the country.

He was shaken up about the whole experience.

She called him two days later asking for a date. The Mongols don't know their own minds. They love us and hate us all at the same time.

Nevertheless, English mania in the ROK seems to be increasing rather than decreasing.

So there's no need to get your panties in a bunch.

Sleep tight, my little friend on Jeju. Your job is safe.

More good news. I'm adding your link to my sidebar.

By golly, you've had quite the day!

Nighty night.

Monday!

Yesterday, we had sam-gyup-saal and kalbi for dinner. I had two bottles of soju with my meal.

After eating, I felt tired. So I went to bed at 7:30 p.m. I didn't wake up till 6 a.m. I must have needed the rest.

I turned on my Mr. Coffee. Then I felt my stomach playing some serious havoc.

I ran to the bathroom. I had the shits. Some real serious squirts.

During my hot and frothy bowel movement, I read the Korean Herald. I saw some shocking news on the front page.

It seems Korea is going to raise interest rates and remove its stimulus package. I'm dying to see how that will turn out.

Some of my stool ended up on the toilet seat. That happens to me frequently when I have the squirts.

Being a gentleman, I decided to clean it up with toilet paper. After all, I can't let my wife do everything.

That was when I threw up. I puked a good five or six times. The whole bathroom reeked of shit and vomit.

No big deal. I brushed my teeth and popped a breath mint.

My wife woke up to make my bacon sandwich.

She said, "Dis coffee vely awful."

I said, "I'm sick. I think I have food poisoning. It was that fucking sam-gyup-saal."

I could literally taste it while heaving.

She said, "It not da pork. I buy da pork Homeprus. It da dwinking. Who dwink da two bottle soju and eat da popsickle. You vely disgusting man."

I drove to work. It was fucking freezing. This morning, it was -4 Celsius in my neck of the woods.

My Santa Fe has heat. But no matter how high I turn it on, my poor little tootsies get frozen.

I don't wear slippers at school. I wear Crocs with a fur lining.

At first, I had protested.

"I'm not wearing those fucking things. I look like a fag. All the kids are going to laugh at me."

"You not rook rike da fag. It cold. It keep da foot warm."

Now I'm glad I listened to her. I might look like a fag. But at least I'm a fag with warm feet.

Today, I've literally done nothing. All my classes have been cancelled so that the Korean English teachers can give test hints to the girls for the upcoming finals.

I also haven't eaten. I'm afraid I'll just vomit again.

My co-teacher is in a wonderful mood. She's flitting around and laughing brightly. She even made me a cup of Joe.

She's a happy little butterfly bobbing from flower to flower.

I like her a lot. But that's one moody woman.

If she's a butterfly today, then tomorrow she'll be a hornet.

I'm not sure what's for dinner tonight. I just want something light.

Eggs and French fries would do the trick.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. Hope everyone is well. So long for now.

Only Dorks Marry Korean Women!

One of my users stopped by to call me an idiot for marrying a Korean women.

This is what he had to say:

Korean women are not whores. That said, anyone who marries a Korean woman is a mug. Marrying a Korean woman is a Mug's Game. If you have married a Korean woman it's a safe bet that you have never had much luck back home, are inexperienced, haven't traveled much, are pussy-licked, or all of the above. Don't do it. Many men have done it and now regret it. I have met many good chaps here and abroad who deeply regret marrying Korean women. I love Asian women. Thai women for example are much much prettier, much much warmer hearted and less generally fucked in the head than Korean women. So, dear Mr. Idiot you married a Korean woman, well done, you're a crazy fuck, enjoy it but keep your tears to yourself, cheers. Bye the way, your blog is about the only thing worth reading on the net. Don't stop blogging.

I appreciate the comment.

I'm so glad my wife's not a whore.

However, I never realized I was such a monumental loser. Thanks for setting me straight.

So long for now.

I Ought to Slap You Silly!

A saucy young doxy named Kimberly had the audacity to ask this question:

Who's Brian Golden Balls?

Well, Kimberly, let me tell you who he is.

Did you know that when Brian Golden Balls was a young man growing up in Dutch Country Pennsylvania, women would drive from miles away just to watch him mow his poor mother's lawn with his shirt off?

And let me tell you more, Kimberly.

Did you know that the Amish women of both Pennsylvania and Ohio have voted Brian Golden Balls Sexiest Man in the Universe for five consecutive years?

Count 'em! Five!

The only other man to achieve this feat was Billy Dee Williams back in his glory days.

Did you know that George Clooney calls Mr. Golden Balls when he needs advice on how to score with the babes?

Has Mr. Clooney called you lately? I didn't think so.

Did you know that the Mongol women here in the ROK often sing songs about Mr. Golden Balls in the hills?

I know this for a fact. I live right under a hill. They never shut up.

Mista Blian Golden Ball vely dleamy man. Prease, Golden Ball, be my boyfliend. Ret me watch you cut da glass with da shirt off. So so sexy man.

I haven't had a good night's sleep for years.

But what's a boy to do? He's a sexy little rattle snake.

Furthermore, did you know that Mr. Golden Balls has the most popular blog in all of the ROK?

It puts mine to shame.

It has everything from instructions on baking bread to the latest Christmas concert poop.

How would we survive without him?

That's who Mr. Golden Balls is!

Kimberly, I'm the boss of this here website. And I decree that the words Golden Balls shall never pass your lips again.

You have to earn the honor. And so far, you just aren't impressing me.

Now march straight home, little lady, and tell your mother you're a flop.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. Hope everyone is well.

Straighten up, Kimberly! Or I'll smack that smile right off of your face.

Just kidding, Kim. Keep those comments coming.

Tweet Me, You Motherfuckers!

Well, I now have a Twitter account. I have no idea how to use it.

My user name is yankeenom.

You can find the link at the bottom of my sidebar.

I'm doing my best to make this place interactive. For instance, I have a message board that nobody uses.

Now I have a Twitter account for everyone to ignore.

Anyway, it's almost 3:30. I'm going home to eat and get drunk.

So long for now.

Sunday!

Yesterday, I woke up at 9 a.m. Saturdays are usually devoted to FOX News and movies.

I watched the O'Reilly Factor. Laura Ingram was the guest host. Usually, I'm not too crazy about her.

She's a bit too conservative for my taste. Plus she never shuts the fuck up. The guests seldom get a chance to respond.

But she did have one very interesting segment. A female member of the Canadian intelligentsia was lauding China's one child policy.

This woman was arguing that the one child policy should be expanded throughout the world. It gave me the creeps.

Sometimes I think people go to college just to get fucking stupid.

Who in their right minds would want any government to tell them how many children they are allowed to have?

What if they break the rules? Does the government then force them to get abortions?

Maybe I'm crazy. But I just don't want government in my life.

After that, I saw The Night of the Living Dead. It was the first time I ever watched it. I absolutely loved it.

Then movie day was suddenly canceled. My wife has been putting her foot down on my eldest son's Starcraft addiction.

She said, "You no more do da computa. It not good. I call da teacha."

The problem is that she won't let the kid go outside due to the Swine Flu scare. So he spent the afternoon watching Disney cartoons.

My youngest son took a nap. This gave the Dragon Lady an excuse to go to the sauna with her family.

She said, "You watch da kid. I be back couple hour-ah."

I said, "Buy me two bottles of soju."

She said, "I no buy da soju."

I spent the time surfing youtube. I watched interviews with Max Keiser and a debate featuring Peter Schiff.

For dinner, I had shrimp. They were good. My wife broils them with salt and lemon.

She did return with one bottle of Toad Juice. I consumed it with my meal.

I woke up this morning at 8 a.m. My balls were itching like crazy.

My balls always itch on Sunday mornings because I don't shower on Saturdays.

I washed my filthy filthy body, shaved, and brushed my choppers. I don't have many choppers left. Soon I'll be a toothless hillbilly just like my mother.

I'm now at the local PC Room drinking the 10 cent cups of coffee and writing this stupid blog. I've been here for close to five hours.

I like the PC room because it gives me a break from the Dragon Lady and the Children of the Rice.

We are having sam-gyup-saal for dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to it.

My wife just called me. They are having specials on beer over at Homeplus. She is buying five bottles of Japanese suds for 10,000 won.

She's been very nice to me lately. It's making me suspicious.

Anyway, that's all I have to say. Hope everyone is well. So long for now.

Racism in the ROK!

I saw this job advertisement over at Work n Play requesting a fun white guy teacher.

Here it is:

Hi

It's very urgent good morning part-time job.
It takes
25~30min by bus from Jamsil Sta. to this school.
or
It takes 50min by
train from Yongsan Sta. to Dosim Sta.

And a director is very nice person
and kids are lovely.
The environment of this school is good and clean.

They provide a free lunch, so a teacher is supposed to have a lunch with
children.

After lunch, you can leave from school around 12:40pm. So you
have to consider your own schedule if you have afternoon classes.

They are looking for an active, funny and bright white guy
teacher.

Please send me your resume and recent photo ASAP.

I don't know how one can defend this.

Nevertheless, it made me chuckle.

I'm a fun white guy teacher.

I'm just not very bright.

I really shouldn't laugh. It's bad behavior.

But you'd never see something like this in the west.

I guess it's the shock value which tickles me.

I'm more bemused than amused.